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| state of affairs esther perel: The State of Affairs Esther Perel, 2017-10-10 A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.” |
| state of affairs esther perel: Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, 2012-02-16 When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different? In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them. Determined to reconcile the erotic and the domestic, Perel explains why democracy is a passion killer in the bedroom. Argues for playfulness, distance, and uncertainty. And shows what it takes to bring lust home. Smart, sexy and explosively original, Mating in Captivity is the monogamist's essential bedside read. |
| state of affairs esther perel: The State of Affairs Jean Duncombe, Kaeren Harrison, Graham Allan, Dennis Marsden, 2014-04-08 This volume brings together contributions on the study of sexual affairs in committed personal relationships. The editors enlisted colleagues with varied theoretical and methodological perspectives from Britain, the United States, and other countries. Together, their contributions provide a broad, cross-national perspective on affairs. Grounded in theoretical discussion, the chapters in this book introduce data collected by a broad range of methods, including attitude surveys, large statistical cohort studies, case studies, depth interviews, and group discussions. A number of contributors locate the theoretical discussion of affairs within the broader contemporary ordering of committed relationships, contrasting the liberating and empowering aspects of affairs with the damage they may inflict on society as a whole and on the lives of individuals and families. The themes of passion, transgression, secrecy, lies, betrayal, and gossip are common to a range of chapters throughout. The volume provides broad literature reviews and theoretical discussions concerning particular aspects of affairs, such as communication and jealousy. In addition, case studies are used for the more detailed exploration of heterosexual affairs and contemporary developments in gay male and lesbian relationships. The State of Affairs will be of interest to researchers, scholars, and students in social psychology; communication; sociology; family, social, and clinical psychology; and for practitioners in couple counseling. |
| state of affairs esther perel: When Good People Have Affairs Mira Kirshenbaum, 2008-05-27 “A wise and welcome addition to the self-help literature on infidelity.” —Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of men and women caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair reaches into their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She gives readers everything they need to cut through the thickets of fear, hurt and confusion to find their ways to happier, more solid relationships with the person who’s right for them. For example, Kirshenbaum identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means. Is it a: “See-if” affair? Ejector-seat affair? Distraction affair? Unmet-needs affair? Panic affair? Kirshenbaum encourages honest answers to such questions as: What am I missing in my marriage? How do I decide between two people when it’s like comparing an apple to an orange? How do I decide to end my marriage, end my affair, or end them both? She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair. “Kirshenbaum brings us practical steps for understanding affairs and utilizing the mistakes we make for a deeper healing.” —Rabbi Ted Falcon, Ph.D., rabbi of Bet Alef: An Inclusive Spiritual Synagogue in Seattle and co-author of Judaism for Dummies |
| state of affairs esther perel: After the Affair, Updated Second Edition Janis A. Spring, 2013-01-22 “Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.” —Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger “It is ‘must’ reading for any couple who has experienced the violation of trust as a result of an affair.” —Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. A staggering number of couples in America—about 70 percent—have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship. Written by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally known therapist and acknowledged expert on infidelity, this revised and updated version brings the groundbreaking classic into the 21st century, with a new section dealing with online affairs in cyberspace. For women who are struggling in their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology academics and readers fascinated by of popular psychology—this newly revised and updated edition of After the Affair is essential reading. |
| state of affairs esther perel: NOT "Just Friends" Shirley Glass, 2007-11-01 One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it. You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.” Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Tracy Schorn, 2016-05-10 Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity -- but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Strong Women, Strong Love Poonam Sharma, 2013-09-10 WINNER OF THE 2014 INDIE EXCELLENCE AWARD IN THE MARRIAGE CATEGORY! Why do strong women struggle with marriage problems even though they are so successful in other areas of their lives? How do you stop feeling trapped, resentful, and alone in your relationship? Is it really possible for a woman to be strong and have a happy marriage too? In Strong Women, Strong Love: The Missing Manual for the Modern Marriage, licensed psychologist, Dr. Poonam Sharma, reveals how to effectively navigate the marriage problems you may have encountered...all while maintaining your self-confidence and strength as a woman. Use the practical and straightforward advice in this marriage manual to help you learn how to: Avoid the common triggers that will instantly make your husband feel defensive. Eliminate the dangerous behaviors research confirms will ruin your marriage. Practice the essential habits necessary for creating deep intimacy and passion that last. Be honest in a way that draws your husband closer. Build a lifestyle that protects and nurtures your relationship for years to come. A successful marriage is one of the most important, meaningful, and loving bonds you can experience in a lifetime. Don't settle for less. Stay true to yourself, and use the insights you gain from this powerful relationship manual to create the relationship of your dreams. |
| state of affairs esther perel: The School of Greatness Lewis Howes, 2015-10-27 When a career-ending injury left elite athlete and professional football player Lewis Howes out of work and living on his sister's couch, he decided he needed to make a change for the better. He started by reaching out to people he admired, searching for mentors, and applying his past coaches' advice from sports to life off the field. Lewis did more than bounce back: He built a multimillion-dollar online business and is now a sought-after business coach, speaker, and podcast host. In The School of Greatness, Howes shares the essential tips and habits he gathered in interviewing the greats on his wildly popular podcast of the same name. In discussion with people like Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson and Pencils of Promise CEO Adam Braun, Howes figured out that greatness is unearthed and cultivated from within. The masters of greatness are not successful because they got lucky or are innately more talented, but because they applied specific habits and tools to embrace and overcome adversity in their lives. A framework for personal development, The School of Greatness gives you the tools, knowledge, and actionable resources you need to reach your potential. Howes anchors each chapter with a specific lesson he culled from his greatness professors and his own experiences to teach you how to create a vision, develop hustle, and use dedication, mindfulness, joy, and love to reach goals. His lessons and practical exercises prove that anyone is capable of achieving success and that we can all strive for greatness in our everyday lives. |
| state of affairs esther perel: The Ethical Slut, Third Edition Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton, 2017-08-15 The classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of conventional monogamy has been fully updated to reflect today’s modern attitudes and the latest information on nontraditional relationships. “One of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity.”—Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex For 20 years The Ethical Slut—widely known as the “Poly Bible”—has dispelled myths and showed curious readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition of this timeless guide to the ethics of relationships, communication, and sex has been revised to include: • Interviews with poly millennials (young people who have grown up without the prejudices their elders encountered regarding gender, orientation, sexuality, and relationships) • Tributes to polyamory pioneers • Tools for conflict resolution and instructions on how to improve interpersonal dynamics • New sidebars on topics such as asexuality, sex workers, LGBTQ terminology, and ways polys can connect and thrive The authors also include new content addressing nontraditional relationships beyond the polyamorous paradigm of “more than two”: couples who don't live together, couples who don't have sex with each other, nonparallel arrangements, couples with widely divergent sex styles, power disparities, and cross-orientation relationships, while utilizing nonbinary gender language and new terms that have come into common usage since the last edition. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Intimate Deception Dr. Sheri Keffer, 2018-03-20 Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman who discovers that the man she loves has been viewing pornography or having an affair must deal with devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she thought she knew has lied and deceived her. She may even bear the brunt of shame and judgment when the people around her find out. Drawing from her experience both as a marriage and family therapist and a woman who personally experienced the devastation of sexual betrayal, Dr. Sheri Keffer walks women impacted by betrayal through the pain and toward recovery. She explains how the trauma of betrayal affects our minds, bodies, spirits, and sexuality. She offers practical tools for dealing with emotional triggers and helps women understand the realities of sexual addiction. And she shows women how to practice self-care, develop healthy boundaries, protect themselves from abuse or manipulation, and find freedom from the burden of shame and guilt. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Ethical Wisdom Mark Matousek, 2012-06-04 From the best-selling author of Sex Death Enlightenment: A True Story What lies behind the decisions that shape our moral universe? Mark Matousek takes a fascinating journey inside what makes us good (or not) Since the days of the first primitive tribes, we have tried to determine why one man is good and another evil. Mark Matousek arrives at the answer in Ethical Wisdom. Contrary to what we've been taught in our reason-obsessed culture, emotions are the bedrock of ethical life; without them, human beings cannot be empathic, moral or good. But how do we make the judgement call between self-interest and caring for others? What does being good really mean? Which parts of morality are biological, which ethical? When should instinct be trusted and when does it lead us into trouble? How can we know ourselves to be good amidst the hypocrisy, fears and sabotaging appetites that pervade our two-sided natures? Drawing on the latest scientific research and interviews with social scientists, spiritual leaders, ex-cons, altruists and philosophers, Matousek examines morality from a scientific, sociological, and anthropological standpoint. Each chapter features a series of questions, readings, interviews, parables and anecdotes that zoom in on a particular niche of moral enquiry, making this book both utilitarian and fun. Ethical Wisdom is an insightful and important book for readers crisscrossing their own murky moral terrain. |
| state of affairs esther perel: How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair Linda J. MacDonald, 2010-11-24 As an infidelity specialist for 25 years, therapist Linda J. MacDonald has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful persons' success or failure to mend their marriages after an affair. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair offers practical advice for those who've strayed and want a second chance. Learn what Successful Rebuilders know:* How to avoid the potholes that doom marriages after affairs* Critical guidelines for the first hours after discovery * 15 essential steps for repair after betrayal* Skills to cope with your partner's obsessions and triggers* Ways to undo the damage from your lies * The keys to avoid prolonging your spouse's agony (and yours)* The difference between helpful and harmful apologies* How to rebuild your broken life, relationships, and integrity BACK OF THE BOOKMost unfaithful partners underestimate the breadth and depth of the fallout after infidelity. If you have had an affair but have regrets and hope to save your marriage, don't let another mistake-ridden day go by without reading this book! Or, if you are the injured spouse and your unfaithful partner keeps hurting you with his/her attempts to help you feel better in all the wrong ways, put this manual into your spouse's hands right away.Find out for yourself what the difference is between those who blow up their marriages in the aftermath of affairs and those who successfully manage to repair and rebuild their marriages into better-than-ever relationships. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair provides a practical road map for unfaithful spouses who wish to have another chance with their partners. Easy to read, even for the self-help book phobic! Your material in How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair is ab¬solutely excellent. I have counseled for twenty-five years and found it well-done, balanced, and accurate. -Jim Velez M.S., M.A., L.P.C., Portland, Oregon |
| state of affairs esther perel: The Art of Gathering Priya Parker, 2018-05-15 Hosts of all kinds, this is a must-read! --Chris Anderson, owner and curator of TED From the host of the New York Times podcast Together Apart, an exciting new approach to how we gather that will transform the ways we spend our time together—at home, at work, in our communities, and beyond. In The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker argues that the gatherings in our lives are lackluster and unproductive--which they don't have to be. We rely too much on routine and the conventions of gatherings when we should focus on distinctiveness and the people involved. At a time when coming together is more important than ever, Parker sets forth a human-centered approach to gathering that will help everyone create meaningful, memorable experiences, large and small, for work and for play. Drawing on her expertise as a facilitator of high-powered gatherings around the world, Parker takes us inside events of all kinds to show what works, what doesn't, and why. She investigates a wide array of gatherings--conferences, meetings, a courtroom, a flash-mob party, an Arab-Israeli summer camp--and explains how simple, specific changes can invigorate any group experience. The result is a book that's both journey and guide, full of exciting ideas with real-world applications. The Art of Gathering will forever alter the way you look at your next meeting, industry conference, dinner party, and backyard barbecue--and how you host and attend them. |
| state of affairs esther perel: After the Affair Janis A. Spring, 1997-02-14 For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity. When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend. There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow. After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Real Food Nina Planck, 2016-05-10 Hailed as the patron saint of farmers' markets by the Guardian and called one of the great food activists by Vanity Fair's David Kamp, Nina Planck was on the vanguard of the real food movement, and her first book remains a vital and original contribution to the hot debate about what to eat and why. In lively, personal chapters on produce, dairy, meat, fish, chocolate, and other real foods, Nina explains how ancient foods like beef and butter have been falsely accused, while industrial foods like corn syrup and soybean oil have created a triple epidemic of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. The New York Times said that Real Food poses a convincing alternative to the prevailing dietary guidelines, even those treated as gospel. A rebuttal to dietary fads and a clarion call for the return to old-fashioned foods, Real Food no longer seems radical, if only because the conversation has caught up to Nina Planck. Indeed, it has become gospel in its own right. This special tenth-anniversary edition includes a foreword by Nina Teicholz (The Big Fat Surprise) and a new introduction from the author. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Tiny Beautiful Things Cheryl Strayed, 2012-07-10 NATIONAL BESTSELLER • Soon to be a Hulu Original series • The internationally acclaimed author of Wild collects the best of The Rumpus's Dear Sugar advice columns plus never-before-published pieces. Rich with humor and insight—and absolute honesty—this wise and compassionate (New York Times Book Review) book is a balm for everything life throws our way. Life can be hard: your lover cheats on you; you lose a family member; you can’t pay the bills—and it can be great: you’ve had the hottest sex of your life; you get that plum job; you muster the courage to write your novel. Sugar—the once-anonymous online columnist at The Rumpus, now revealed as Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling memoir Wild—is the person thousands turn to for advice. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Healing from Infidelity Michele Weiner-Davis, 2017 Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never-ending arguments about the betrayal. Based on over three decades of experience helping couples recover from betrayal and save their marriages, Weiner-Davis offers a step-by-step program to help readers: - Deal with traumatic feelings after the discovery - Respond to questions about the affair - Talk about intense emotions without arguing - End the affair - Offer apologies that are sincere and healing - Overcome flashbacks and painful memories - Rebuild trust and accountability - Make their marriage stronger than before the affair - Find forgiveness - Reconnect sexually This book is filled with case vignettes of couples whose lives were shattered by betrayal but have eventually recovered and thrived.--Publisher's description. |
| state of affairs esther perel: State of Affairs Marie Force, 2021-04-20 The phone call that changed their lives forever... Minutes after Vice President Nick Cappuano and Lt. Sam Holland get the call that President Nelson has been found dead in the residence on Thanksgiving they're still processing that Nick has been asked to come to the White House to take the oath of office. As they go through the motions to ensure a peaceful transition of power Sam has a million and one concerns about her husband her family the Nelson family the country and the enormity of what Nick is about to take on. In the back of her mind is another major concern: What does this mean for my job? No other first lady in history has held a job outside the White House but she's determined to be the first to blaze new trails for those who will follow her. However in order to do that she quickly realizes that compromises will have to be made to continue working as a Homicide detective. Their lives become an immediate firestorm of meetings requests for interviews difficult questions from their children and a host of potential landmines to navigate as they make the transition from second family to first family. An unexpected issue with a diplomatic trip to Iran quickly thrusts Nick into the thick of his new responsibilities while Sam confronts a murder investigation that may have ties to a cold case from fifteen years ago. As everything around them spins out of control Sam and Nick take refuge with each other relying on their unbreakable bond to see them through the storm. |
| state of affairs esther perel: The Great Mental Models: General Thinking Concepts Farnam Street, 2019-12-16 The old saying goes, ''To the man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.'' But anyone who has done any kind of project knows a hammer often isn't enough. The more tools you have at your disposal, the more likely you'll use the right tool for the job - and get it done right. The same is true when it comes to your thinking. The quality of your outcomes depends on the mental models in your head. And most people are going through life with little more than a hammer. Until now. The Great Mental Models: General Thinking Concepts is the first book in The Great Mental Models series designed to upgrade your thinking with the best, most useful and powerful tools so you always have the right one on hand. This volume details nine of the most versatile, all-purpose mental models you can use right away to improve your decision making, productivity, and how clearly you see the world. You will discover what forces govern the universe and how to focus your efforts so you can harness them to your advantage, rather than fight with them or worse yet- ignore them. Upgrade your mental toolbox and get the first volume today. AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY Farnam Street (FS) is one of the world's fastest growing websites, dedicated to helping our readers master the best of what other people have already figured out. We curate, examine and explore the timeless ideas and mental models that history's brightest minds have used to live lives of purpose. Our readers include students, teachers, CEOs, coaches, athletes, artists, leaders, followers, politicians and more. They're not defined by gender, age, income, or politics but rather by a shared passion for avoiding problems, making better decisions, and lifelong learning. AUTHOR HOME Ottawa, Ontario, Canada |
| state of affairs esther perel: Affairs Emily M. Brown, 1999-09-02 A deeply traumatic experience for both spouses, an affair can create a terrible loss of trust and can often lead to the end of a relationship. There are consequences not only for the married couple, but also for their children, family, and friends, not to mention for the third party in the triangle. This non-judgmental guide offers the knowledge and information that couples need in order to adequately confront marital infidelity and to get on with their lives. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder Dennis C. Ortman, 2009-04-28 Have you been traumatized by infidelity? The phrase broken heart belies the real trauma behind the all-too-common occurrence of infidelity. Psychologist Dennis Ortman likens the psychological aftermath of sexual betrayal to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in its origin and symptoms, including anxiety, irritability, rage, emotional numbing, and flashbacks. Using PTSD treatment as a model, Dr. Ortman will show you, step by step, how to: • work through conflicting emotions • Understand yourself and your partner • Make important life decisions Dr. Ortman sees recovery as a spiritual journey and draws on the wisdom of diverse faiths, from Christianity to Buddhism. He also offers exercises to deepen recovery, such as guided meditations and journaling, and explores heart-wrenchingly familiar case studies of couples struggling with monogamy. By the end of this book, you will have completed the six stages of healing and emerged with a whole heart, a full spirit, and the freedom to love again. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Getting Past the Affair Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom, Kristina Coop Gordon, 2007-01-06 This book has been replaced by Getting Past the Affair, Second Edition, ISBN 978-1-4625-4748-7. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Taking Sexy Back Alexandra H. Solomon, 2020-02-02 “Taking Sexy Back is going directly on my top list of recommended sexuality readings.” —Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs It is time for a new sexual revolution. It’s time to take sexy back. As women, we’re expected to be sexy, but not sexual. We’re bombarded with conflicting, shame-inducing, and disempowering messages about sex, instead of being encouraged to connect with our true sexual selves. Sexy gets reduced to a performance, leaving us with little to no space to reckon with the complexities of sexuality. In a culture intent on telling you who and how to be, standing in your truth is revolutionary. From relationship expert Alexandra Solomon—author of Loving Bravely—Taking Sexy Back is a groundbreaking guide to deepening your connection to yourself, honoring your desires, and cultivating authentic intimate connections. On these pages, you’ll discover how to deepen your sexual self-awareness, and use that awareness to create experiences that not only pleasure, but elevate, expand, and heal you. You’ll learn to understand your boundaries, communicate what feels good, and bring mindfulness and self-compassion to sex. Most importantly, you’ll embrace your sexuality as an evolving, essential, and beautiful part of your life. Sex is about more than what your partner enjoys or finds sexy. It’s about more than having an orgasm or finding the “right” positions. It’s about you. It’s time to take your sexy back! Named one of Cosmopolitan's Best Nonfiction Books of 2020! 2020 Consumer Book Honorable Mention from The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR) As featured on The Morning Show—Australia's top-rated morning program |
| state of affairs esther perel: Come As You Are: Revised and Updated Emily Nagoski, 2021-03-02 A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life. For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart. That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Getting Real about Sex Addiction Graeme Daniels, Joseph P. Farley, 2022-02-15 This groundbreaking, engaging clinical resource for psychotherapists, sex therapists, and related clinicians is replete with rich and empathetic case material and offers a practical, powerful argument for using psychodynamic approaches when working with sex addicts and their partners to achieve long-lasting relational results. |
| state of affairs esther perel: The All-or-Nothing Marriage Eli J. Finkel, 2019-01-08 “After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...”—Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss. The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better. The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try “lovehacks.” This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Polysecure Jessica Fern, 2022-09 A practical translation of the principles of attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships. Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you're striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual non-monogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecureis both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide. It provides non-monogamous people with a new set of tools to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships, and offers radical new concepts that are sure to influence the conversation about attachment theory. |
| state of affairs esther perel: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2012-09-04 One of the foremost relationship experts applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple and suggests a new approach to handle adultery. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Affair Healing Tim Tedder, 2017-02-06 |
| state of affairs esther perel: The Truth Neil Strauss, 2015-10-13 FROM THE INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF THE GAME Neil Strauss became famous to millions around the world as the author of The Game, a funny and slyly instructive account of how he transformed himself from a scrawny, insecure nerd into the ultra-confident, ultra-successful ‘pickup artist’ known as Style. The book jump-started the international ‘seduction community’, and made Strauss a household name—revered or notorious—among single men and women alike. But the experience of writing The Game also transformed Strauss into a man who could have what every man wants: the ability to date or have casual sex with almost every woman he met. The results were heady, to be sure. But they also conditioned him to view the world as a kind of constant parade of women, sex and opportunity—with intimacy and long-term commitment taking a back seat. That is, until he met the woman who forced him to choose between herself and the parade. The choice was not only difficult, it was wrenching. It forced him deep into his past, to confront not only the moral dimensions of his pickup lifestyle, but also a mystery in his childhood that shaped the man that he became. It sent him into extremes of behaviour that exposed just how conflicted his life had become. And it made him question everything he knew about himself, and about the way men and women live with and without each other. He would never be the same again. Searingly honest, compulsively readable, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book about Relationships may have the same effect on you. Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game and Rules of the Game. He is also the co-author of three New York Times bestsellers—Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe’s The Dirt, and Marilyn Manson’s The Long Hard Road Out of Hell—as well as Dave Navarro’s Don’t Try This at Home, a Los Angeles Times bestseller. Strauss' highly anticipated The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book about Relationships will be released in June 2015. A writer for Rolling Stone, Strauss lives in Los Angeles. ‘A profound and jaw-droppingly exhaustive exploration of the male psyche.’ Andy Griffiths, Australian, Best Books of 2015 ‘A compulsive read powered by questions of how Strauss can escape his warped childhood and regain the trust of his scorned partner.’ Australian |
| state of affairs esther perel: Mind the Gap Karen Gurney, 2020-03-05 'This book taught me so much about female desire. A must read!' Cherry Healey Did you know that there is an orgasm gap of around 30% between heterosexual couples when they have sex? In Mind The Gap, Dr Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist, explores not just this gap, but the gaps in our knowledge of so much of the most important new science around sex and desire. In this book, you will learn that nearly everything that you've been led to believe about female sexuality isn't actually true. And that, despite what you might think, it is possible to simultaneously feel little to no spontaneous desire and have a happy and mutually satisfying sex life long term. Exploring the mismatch between ideas about sex in our society and what the science tells us, Mind The Gap also explains how this disconnect lies at the root of many of our sexual problems. Combining science with case studies, practical exercises and tips, this is a book for anyone who wants to better understand the mechanics of desire and futureproof their sex life, for life. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Existential Kink Carolyn Elliott, 2020 Drawing on a number of traditions, the authors shows us how to constructively use spells -- for protection and for reversing negative magical work -- and provides instruction for working with water, baths, incense, oils, herbs, as well as with spoken and written spells. By the author of the popular SPIRITUAL CLEANSING. |
| state of affairs esther perel: It's Called Polyamory Tamara Pincus, Rebecca Hiles, 2017 A primer on explaining to friends, family, and coworkers what consensual nonmonogamy means, and what living it means for you. |
| state of affairs esther perel: How Can I Forgive You? Janis A. Spring, 2009-10-13 “If you are struggling with issues of betrayal—or the challenge of whether and how to forgive—here is the most helpful and surprising book you will ever find on the subject.”—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. This award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves—without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness. Until now, we’ve been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a gifted clinical psychologist and award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party. Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these: How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead? When is forgiveness cheap? Can I heal myself – without forgiving? How can the offender earn forgiveness? What makes for a good apology? How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being? |
| state of affairs esther perel: How Can I Ever Trust You Again? Andrew G. Marshall, 2016-03-01 There are few things in life more traumatic than discovering that your partner is having an affair. You are not only coping with the pain and anger but also the sense that your partner is a stranger. How could someone you love, and thought that you knew, treat you like this? How can you ever trust your partner again? Don't panic. Millions of ordinary men and women have trodden the same path and come out the other end with not only their love restored but a significantly stronger and better relationship. Whether you are the discoverer of the affair or whether you were discovered, Marshall offers guidance and support, and explains: The seven stages that couples move through from discovery to recovery. What makes people more vulnerable to affairs. The eight types of infidelity and how understanding your partner's affair is key to deciding whether you should stay or go. How to stop your imagination running wild and your brain from going into meltdown. Why some couples emerge stronger and why others get derailed from the recovery process. With over thirty years' experience as a marital therapist, Marshall draws on hundreds of case studies and provides practical, compassionate and sensible advice to keep your relationship alive. As he says, It might sound strange, but you can turn this crisis from the worst thing that has happened to your relationship into one of the best. |
| state of affairs esther perel: When You're the One Who Cheats Tammy Nelson, 2019-02-11 A must read for anyone who's been thinking about having an affair. Includes real-life narratives of people who have cheated. Provides insights for those who are single and cheating with a married person. Offers therapists, clergy, and counselors a look into the cheater's motivation. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Pussy Regena Thomashauer, 2016-09-20 New York Times bestseller It just may be the most pejorative word in the English language. It’s the ultimate salacious smack to a woman’s dignity, used to hurt, humiliate, and dehumanize. No one calls you a “pussy” when they want to tell you how radiant you look, how capably you work, or what an inspiring life you lead. That’s about to change. In this remarkable book, Regena Thomashauer, founder of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, reclaims the word for what it rightly is: the highest of all possible compliments, a sacred living prayer. Pussy has been written to reacquaint you with your own power source —both figuratively and literally. Drawing on Mama Gena’s 25 years of research into women’s history, experience, and potential, you’ll ramp up your “cliteracy” and learn to awaken a part of yourself you’ve been taught to repress or even despise. You’ll see that pussy is anything but pornographic —it’s actually the seat of all feminine power and pleasure. And you’ll discover how a woman’s sensual awareness is critical for her spiritual, intellectual, and emotional health. In these pages, Mama Gena reveals: • The secret ingredient every woman is missing • How to crack the confidence code • Why sex appeal is an inside job • What’s ahead on the next frontier of feminism —and how you can help make it happen • And much more When you open this book, you’re being handed the keys to a turned-on life —which simply means authentic, radiant, and open to pleasure and joy. By turns earthy and erudite, passionately argued and laugh-out-loud funny, Pussy is your call to tune in, turn on, and live more richly and fully than you ever thought you could. |
| state of affairs esther perel: Runaway Husbands Vikki Stark, 2010 This book, based on The Sudden Wife Abandonment Project (S.W.A.P.), provides women with tools to help them understand why their husbands left, heal, and get their lives back. |
「国家」这个词在英文中视语境不同。state、nation、country 三 …
事实上，state更具有代表性的意思还是「国家」，作为「州」只是特例。国家全名里包含state的有 以色列（State of Israel），科威特（State of Kuwait），巴布新几内亚（Independent State of …
程序代码中，怎么区分status和state？ - 知乎
Dec 4, 2013 · State 表达的是形态，而 Status 表达的是从一种形态转换成另一种形态的过程中，那些有显著特征的离散中间值。 还是说那个旅馆房间的例子，一个房间可以是婚房、普通房、豪 …
英文地址怎么填写？ - 知乎
国家（State）： 中华人民共和国（the People’s Republic of China； P.R.China； P.R.C； China） 省级（Provincial Level）： 省(Province)、自治区(Autonomous Region )、直辖 …
为什么英语中“state-of-the-art”表示“最先进”的意思呢？ - 知乎
The earliest use of the term "state of the art" documented by the Oxford English Dictionary dates back to 1910, from an engineering manual by Henry Harrison Suplee (1856-post 1943), an …
强化学习 (Reinforcement Learning) - 知乎
强化学习主要由智能体（Agent）、环境（Environment）、状态（State）、动作（Action）、奖励（Reward）组成。 智能体执行了某个动作后，环境将会转换到一个新的状态，对于该新的状 …
stata怎么安装sgmediation啊？ - 知乎
May 6, 2023 · 采用答主托马斯营的方法下载后 stata 会显示下载路径，如图所示，根据路径找到 sgmediation 2. ado 以及help文件，复制粘贴到原本stata安装的文件夹里即可（我的是在C …
svchost.exe 为什么会占用那么多 CPU？ - 知乎
我们前面也有提到，并不是所有的服务都会通过 svchost.exe 调用实现，以 Metasploit 为例：在获取到目标主机的 Meterpreter 之后，可以使用“run metsvc”命令在目标主机上注册一个名为 …
固态硬盘 SSD 和 HDD 的区别是什么？ - 知乎
固态硬盘（Solid State Drives，SSD）由主控和固态电子存储芯片阵列为主来构成的，固态硬盘的核心是纯电子电路形式。固态硬盘比较常见的存储介质是FLASH闪存芯片，也有固态硬盘采 …
U.S.、USA、America 有什么区别？ - 知乎
Oct 15, 2014 · 知乎，中文互联网高质量的问答社区和创作者聚集的原创内容平台，于 2011 年 1 月正式上线，以「让人们更好的分享知识、经验和见解，找到自己的解答」为品牌使命。知乎凭 …
sci投稿Declaration of interest怎么写? - 知乎
正在写SCI的小伙伴看到这篇回答有福了！作为一个在硕士阶段发表了4篇SCI（一区×2，二区×2）的人，本回答就好好给你唠唠究竟该如何撰写Declaration of interest利益声明部分。
「国家」这个词在英文中视语境不同。state、nation、country 三者的含 …
事实上，state更具有代表性的意思还是「国家」，作为「州」只是特例。国家全名里包含state的有 以色列（State of Israel），科威特（State of Kuwait），巴布新几内亚（Independent State of Papua New Guinea），卡特尔（State of …
程序代码中，怎么区分status和state？ - 知乎
Dec 4, 2013 · State 表达的是形态，而 Status 表达的是从一种形态转换成另一种形态的过程中，那些有显著特征的离散中间值。 还是说那个旅馆房间的例子，一个房间可以是婚房、普通房、豪华总统房，这些都是用 State 来表达。
英文地址怎么填写？ - 知乎
国家（State）： 中华人民共和国（the People’s Republic of China； P.R.China； P.R.C； China） 省级（Provincial Level）： 省(Province)、自治区(Autonomous Region )、直辖市(Municipality directly under the Central …
为什么英语中“state-of-the-art”表示“最先进”的意思呢？ - 知乎
The earliest use of the term "state of the art" documented by the Oxford English Dictionary dates back to 1910, from an engineering manual by Henry Harrison Suplee (1856-post 1943), an engineering graduate (University …
强化学习 (Reinforcement Learning) - 知乎
强化学习主要由智能体（Agent）、环境（Environment）、状态（State）、动作（Action）、奖励（Reward）组成。 智能体执行了某个动作后，环境将会转换到一个新的状态，对于该新的状态环境会给出奖励信号（正奖励或者负奖 …
