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| how to get yourself to fart: How to Fart at Work Mats and Enzo, 2019 Sequel to the best-selling and highly influential How to Poo at Work. |
| how to get yourself to fart: No One Likes a Fart Zoë Foster Blake, 2020-01-14 Fart is desperate to make friends and have fun. But no one likes a fart -- not even a fart with a heart. With plenty of laughs and even more heart, this delightful picture book shows that even the smelliest among us can find a friend in this world. It's hard out there for a fart. Too smelly. Too embarassing. Too gross. Striking the perfect balance of gross-out humor, wit, and heart, this beautifully illustrated picture book delivers a message of accepting yourself and finding a friend who loves you just the way you are. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Fart Tootorial Ben Applebaum, Dan DiSorbo, 2013-03-19 From the authors of The Book of Beer Pong and The Book of Beer Awesomeness, this illuminating and hilarious volume features everything a person could ever wish to know (and more!) about everyone's favorite bodily function. It's loaded with interesting information, from the history of farts to different types of flatulence (Much like a fingerprint, no two farts sound—or smell—alike). Also featuring the best fart techniques, defenses, and pranks, The Fart Tootorial will make any reader a master of the gas we pass. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Art of Farting Parviz Shirmohammadi, 2021-11-20 This book offers pure hilarious comedy, romance, adventures, and fun entertainment for any reader. It shows everything you always wanted to know about your fart. It is one of the funniest and most entertaining books you have ever read. It talks about how a fart traveled throughout time and how it affected entire human history. It goes without explaining that it brings many hours of pure laughter and fun to you. It is a comic book that takes you through a hilarious roller coaster joyful ride. It is amusing to read and will leave you with a lasting and delightful experience. You will never look at your fart the same way again. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Art of Fart Dougie Brimson, 2012-01-01 The most detailed examination of the flatulent arts of modern times.!With subjects ranging from the real reasons why women seem to have such a problem with the call of the colon, through to the delights of stealth farting, no wind related subject remains unexplored in what is quite possibly the most politically incorrect book ever. |
| how to get yourself to fart: How to Fart - Louder, Longer, and Stronger... Without Soiling Your Undies! R Sole Ph D, R. Sole, 2013-11-10 There are many books on the market giving solutions on how to stop farting. But what is there for people who want to fart more? To fart louder? To fart longer? To fart stronger...both pressure wise, and smell wise? Those that want to become champions at passing wind? Those that want to exercise their right to free speech, and exercise their sphincters at the same time? Those who say to hell with the clean air bill? And to those who want to fart responsibly, and not leave skid marks. And to those that just want to have fun! Well, to all those people, this book is written for you! In this concise, no fluff (well, actually full of fluff and hot air) report you'll learn to do exactly what the book title says... Fart louder, longer and stronger. In this short read you'll learn to build up the fart pressure with scientific food combining, and how to release it at will with advanced bowel control. Impress your friends, relatives, and partners. You'll be the talk of the town. Learn to create copious amounts of wind, and how to utilize it for best effect. You'll learn how to generate the gas, how to control and propel it, and how to make it smell beastly! From meek and mild through too big, bold and offensive...in fact deadly! Use these skills to clear a long bank queue, get a seat on a crowded train or bus, get extra leg room on a long flight, in fact the possibilities are endless. Go into stealth mode and watch people give each other the hairy eye ball as they try to figure out who dropped the clanger. Movie theaters, restaurants, amusement rides...nothing is safe...nothing is out of bounds. Get creative! Use your new found super powers to go above and beyond what others thought possible. Use shock and awe tactics. Singe peoples nose hairs. Create havoc. Have them gagging, and gasping for air. But with these new found powers comes great responsibility. Use them for good. Clear a bus to make a seat for a little old lady...and let someone else take the blame! (Insert evil chuckle here). Everything and anything is possible in this new paradigm of achievement that you will find your life propelled into. Blast yourself into success. Rise to heights and levels previously unimaginable. The world truly is your oyster, or perhaps I should say pickled egg. Forget about dropping your lunch, that will all be behind you...think about dropping a whole shopping trolley of cheese, tasty! Based on real science and food chemistry, this book is very much a practical guide, without getting bogged down too deeply into technical crap. Prac, not crap. There are enough scientific facts to keep the more technically minded satisfied. Onward and upward, go boldly forward into a hole (pun intended) new level of achievement, recognition, and farting pleasure. You will now be a famed Fartiste, and the envy of your colleagues, friends, and work mates. Walk tall, with your nose held high. You will exude a presence that commands attention. At last, gain the respect you deserve. OK, that's enough reading this blurb. Stop dreaming, and get into action and start reaping the rewards of fame and respect. Click the buy now button now, and let the fun begin! |
| how to get yourself to fart: Catch That and Paint it Purple: A Complete Guide to Farting P. J. Whitehill, 2008-07-17 This is the only book on the subject of farting you will ever need - or probably want. Farts are a fascinating phenomenon on many levels. A fart can be funny, repulsive, embarrassing, rude, or even dastardly (in the case of a silent one). Farts can also provoke a variety of reactions. Some will laugh, some will be indignant, and other people will simply stop coming around. But the undeniable truth about farting is that everybody does it. Yes, even women. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Fart Proudly Benjamin Franklin, 2019-01-29 Meet Benjamin Franklin as you’ve never met him before . . . This hilarious collection includes the Founding Father’s satirical writings on farting, adultery, and other irreverent subjects you won’t find in your history books. A mention of flatulence might conjure up images of bratty high school boys or lowbrow comics. But one of the most eloquent—and least expected—commentators on the subject is Benjamin Franklin. The writings in Fart Proudly reveal the rogue who lived peaceably within the philosopher and statesman. Included are “The Letter to a Royal Academy”; “On Choosing a Mistress”; “Rules on Making Oneself Disagreeable”; and other jibes. Franklin’s irrepressible wit found an outlet in perpetrating hoaxes, attacking marriage and other sacred cows, and skewering the English Parliament. Reminding us of the humorous, irreverent side of this American icon, these essays endure as both hilarious satire and a timely reminder of the importance of a free press. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Art of the Fart Steve Bryant, 2004-12 For those who delight in the rude, who have fun with the foul, nothing could be more entertaining than this unique look at the world’s most embarrassing sound and aroma. Illustrated with hilariously subtitled images from silent and other movies, it offers pure, unadulterated amusement. Peruse the 2,000-word glossary of various “farts” and “farters.” Find out about Farts in History, and how they changed the world. “The Way of the Third Eye” provides a religious and martial arts guide to farting prowess. To fart or not to fart: that is the question, and a “social directory” answers it. Top Twenty lists present the best fart-related films, books, and songs. Interspersed throughout are boxes featuring facts, quotes, and real-life farters such as Mr. Methane. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Everything I Know About Women I Learned from My Tractor Roger Welsch Motorbooks International, Best-selling author and humorist Roger Welsch comes through again as he delivers his outrageous anecdotes from the farm fields of Nebraska. Jam-packed with Rog's creative techniques for picking up babes, buying suitable gifts for anniversaries, first dates, and more! Roger digs deep into his own down-home experiences to deliver his comic and witty take on love, sex, romance, and marriage as he guides more innocent generations down the same road to success that he enjoys in his own relationships. This humorous guide examines everything from evading capture and the old catch-and-release tactic, to the dreaded blind date. This ultimate contribution to mankind reveals the coveted trade secrets Roger Welsch holds dear and deserves prominent placement on the bookshelf of every self-respecting male. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Zen of Farting Reepah Gud Wan, 2003-09-11 In 1993, a Taiwanese fisherman opened a chest that had been in his family for centuries. Inside, he found a manuscript which may be as significant as the Dead Sea scrolls—a manuscript which will revolutionize our thinking about the origins of Zen. Written on a rice paper scroll, the manuscript records the teachings of the founder of Zen, the Master Reepah Gud Wan. It makes it quite clear that Reepah, a legitimate teacher of Buddhism, was frustrated by the inability of his students to grasp the abstract concepts of the Buddha. In desperation, he decided to play a joke on them. He invented the Zen of Farting, confident that even the densest pupil would realize that he was making a joke and laugh at his excessive seriousness—not to mention his farts. The joke went over like a stale air biscuit. Soon, the Master had thousands of students eager to learn this brave new spiritual teaching, the Zen of Farting. Thus was Zen born, not of heaven, but of the 'ethereal child of earth.' |
| how to get yourself to fart: Find the Farter Phyllis F. Hart, Sourcebooks, 2019-10-01 Readers of all ages will love searching for the smelly offender in this book of hidden farts, a gas-tronomical new approach to the seek-and-find genre and hilarious gift for kids! Can you tell who made the smell in this fart book for kids? Find the Farter is the hilarious new can-you-find picture book that you don't want to miss! Readers of other who farts books will delight in finding the farter who let it rip at the zoo, a basketball game, in outer space, on a plane, and more! Perfect for the young and young at heart, this outrageous interactive book is filled with silly clues and bright, highly detailed illustrations that will keep readers giggling as they search for and find hidden objects and people. Why readers love Find the Farter: Laugh-out-loud fun: This hidden picture activity book will delight kids ages 6-12 and up, great for the whole family and classrooms A hilarious read aloud: Includes 15 illustrated scenarios, witty text, and detailed caricatures with funny and expressive faces to provide hints as to who cut the cheese, PLUS bonus items to find on every page The perfect gift for kids: Ideal for holiday stocking stuffers, birthdays, Easter baskets, Christmas, white elephant, and more Screen-free time: Provides hours entertainment for road trips, sleepovers, play dates, or school activities! Fun for reluctant young readers: Hilarious content and clever rhyming clues engages the imaginations of beginner readers and builds reading confidence as they search for the stinky culprit Can You Tell Who Made the Smell? |
| how to get yourself to fart: Fart Book: Gross Out Book With Sweet Farts El Ninjo, 2014-09-05 Fart Book: Gross Out Book With Sweet Farts Funny Stories To Make You Laugh With 33 Illustrations This is a 2 In 1 Box Set of El Ninjo's funny fart book series. This LOL fart book compilation includes 33 totally gross out fart stories for boys & 33 fart illustrations that come with each story. It is also perfect if you are looking for a fun short story or picture book because it includes 33 hilarious fart stories & illustrations that your kid can have a blast with. These hilarious illustrations alone will occupy & entertain your kid for a while, and I guarantee a very exciting and LOL reading time for your kid and yourself. It also adds some interactive elements and your kid can determine El Ninjo's future fart path, too. You'll get all the details inside! This compilation of 33 short stories is something for young and old, and once inside you will LOL for the rest of your reading time. So here we go and as El Ninjo puts it: Whether you're a professional butt-whistler...or simply can't resist impressing your friends, every now and then with a face-melting fart...you'll laugh out loud at this hilarious book with dozens of hilarious illustrations. Yes, I am the true master of bottom burping escapades, and I am going to impress you with my creative windy ways. I will not only show you every vapor blowing cloud trick that I have up my butt, but I will also make sure to show you how to apply each individual fart situation to your own benefit! In Volume 1 Blaster! Boomer! Slammer! Popper! Banger! the list of fart situation goes like this: The Wake Upper Popper The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot The Flying Carpet The Backpack Burster The Gasification In The Car The Neighbour Detonator The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism The Lego Blower The Eruption In The Chicken Coop The Hand Stinker The Marshmallow Shooter.... ...and many more steamy bean blowing fart episodes In African Bean Adventures In The Jungle, El Ninjo uses his bean blowing way... |
| how to get yourself to fart: The History of Farting Benjamin Bart, 2013-04-26 This book book encompasses all aspects of the history of farting, from the place of farts in culture through the ages to an A-Z of classic farts. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Real Body Manual Nancy Redd, 2024-10-22 A revolutionary health resource for young adults of all genders to understand, appreciate, and take care of their bodies, with color photos throughout How can the savviest and most connected generation in history have no photographic guide to puberty? Until now! The Real Body Manual is a comprehensive health and wellness guidebook for all genders—from the author of the ALA Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers and instant New York Times and USA Today bestseller Body Drama. Inspired by her own kids entering the tween and teen years, Nancy Redd has crafted a uniquely inclusive book that offers a factual and candid approach to the complex and often confusing body issues that all young people face. This go-to resource or all types of developing bodies contains medically vetted, relatable advice alongside full-color photographic references. The Real Body Manual is for curious readers from puberty and beyond and is a conversation starter for parents, caregivers, uncles and aunts, older siblings, counselors, teachers, and health professionals—essentially anyone who would like to more fully understand and effectively relate to the body-image and self-discovery challenges faced by the young people in their life. Created with today's open-minded and diverse kids in mind, this book tackles acne, body odor, constipation and diarrhea, chests and breasts, dandruff, sleep hygiene, sexual health, self-care, and so much more in a judgement-free and gender-neutral way. The Real Body Manual is the encouraging book that modern young adults are waiting for—and an eye-opening book their parents are likely to learn from, too! |
| how to get yourself to fart: Harvey The Heart Had Too Many Farts Jane Bexley, 2020-11-24 Great Valentine's Day gift! Poor Harvey, he's just a little heart with too many farts and it's driving away his friends! Will he ever find someone who can love him the way he is? Get ready to giggle your way through this rhyming tale of silly toot situations and friendship. This book is appropriate for ALL AGES who don't mind silly toot humor (that is not overly gross). Words used include: toot, fart, gas, booty, and bum. Grab this new release in time for Valentines Day! 8.5 x 8.5 Premium glossy cover Hilarious and heart-felt story told through tooting Full color, professional illustrations An easy quick gift for kids (and kids at heart) |
| how to get yourself to fart: Do, Lord, Remember Me George Garrett, 1994 Reverend Joshua Smith, facing his imminent death, reexamines his faith and the accomplishments of his life. |
| how to get yourself to fart: How Fast Can You Fart? And Other Weird, Gross and Disgusting Facts Noel Botham, 2014-08-07 DID YOU KNOW THAT. . .There are TWICE AS MANY CHICKENS in the world as humans, or that ONE IN THREE MEN PICKS HIS NOSE while driving?DO YOU WANT TO KNOW . . .The average WEIGHT of a human EYEBALL, or how many HEARTS a WORM has?AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS . . .By telling them about PURPLE ANIMALS, the HEAVIEST SUMO WRESTLER, and the LONGEST BOUT of HICCUPS!How Fast Can You Fart? marks the launch of John Blake's brand new children's imprint, Dino Books, and is the first instalment in Dr Dino's Learnatorium. Written by Noel Botham, author of the ever-popular Useless Information series, and decorated throughout with eye-catching hand illustrations, this book is packed with the wildest, weirdest, funniest, grossest, fastest, longest, brainiest and best facts about history, science, food, geography, words, and much more! |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Subtle Art of Fart Remarks Bree Kingwind, 2019-04-02 Cut through the embarrassment when you cut the cheese with this illustrated collection of jokes, quips, and funny comments. Everybody farts! But nobody knows what to say when it happens . . . until now! It’s inevitable. There will come a time when you just can’t hold it in any longer. And then, a fart. You’ve been there before and you will be there again. But what can you do in that situation? How can you break the awkward silence and move on with life? Cover it up? Look for someone to blame? Take responsibility for it and face the music? This cute and funny gift book explores over 100 potential fart remarks that are sure to bring the right amount of humor to a variety of fart filled circumstances. Whether you’re sitting in the bathroom stall, driving in the car, or working in the office, this book provided a colossal collection of clever comments that are sure to clear the air. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Big Book of Farts James Carlisle, 2016-11-21 This wonderfully quirky, laugh out loud book is the PERFECT GIFT for FART lovers of all ages. |
| how to get yourself to fart: The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever Michael Ryan, 2004-03-04 I am speechless. The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever is the most disgusting, crude book I have ever read. I am ashamed to say my son wrote this. Where did I go wrong? -Mother of Author Michael Ryan, too embarrassed to give her name I succeeded! It is clear that my superb parenting skills paid off. The Author, Michael Ryan, tells the A to Zs of shit taking. He demonstrates his expertise on the always funny material of the infamous #2. -Proud Father of Author Michael Ryan, who's wife wouldn't let him give his first name The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever was written for anyone who wants to laugh out loud about the topic of taking a crap. Author Michael Ryan displays his expertise on the often unspoken everyday experience of going to the bathroom. He dissects every imaginable issue from the toilet paper texture to the writings on the bathroom stall doors. A few of the many other topics covered are: types of doody, locations, bathroom spray, courtesy flush, the bidet, what to do while going to the bathroom, types of farts, clogging the bowl, activities, wiping (sitting vs. standing), diarrhea, hemorrhoids, girls, masturbation, constipation and public toilets in various countries. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Fitness for Old Farts Tim Plewman, 2013-05-06 If you’re an Old Fart who needs to do something about your shape, or you’d like to help the Old Fart in your life shape up, this is the perfect book for you. If you’re engrossed by TV ads that claim that taking their pills will make your fat disappear or that strapping on and plugging in a device will shock your abs into shape, you’re an Old Fart. If you believe that by exercising your wallet you can look like that 20-something-year-old body builder in the ad, you’re an Old Fart. If money is no object, as long as getting into shape does not mean getting off the couch and actually exercising, then you are an Old Fart who needs to read this seriously funny book. It was after the death of yet another friend in his 50s due to heart failure, that actor/writer Tim Plewman and a group of his friends formed a ‘Fellowship of Old Farts’ to try to avoid a similar fate. Fitness for Old Farts is the outcome and proof that the programme they followed really does work. With humour and empathy, Tim provides practical and honest help to men over the age of 50 hoping to rediscover good health and a respectable physique, while still enjoying mealtimes. Using himself and his friends as role models on what can be achieved with the correct, progressive gym exercise programmes, as well as healthy food choices in the form of tasty and simple-to-prepare recipes, he goes right to the heart of the matter because he understands the problems, fears and motivations relevant to old farts. Tim Plewman’s Fitness for Old Farts will keep you in stitches. |
| how to get yourself to fart: OMG! Guys Jodi Miller, 2011-02-18 He told everyone you slept together (when you didn't) He licked your face like a dog while you were making out He told you he thinks your mom is hot ...And all you can say is OMG! But then what? In this hilarious guide, comedian and coauthor of the WTF? series Jodi Miller offers real-life reactions for the ridiculous (and repulsive) everyday dating dramas you must endure. From forgetting to tell you he has crabs to his baby mama hating your guts, you'll find solutions to the dilemmas that make you say, Oh My God! So the next time he asks you what you think about getting a boob job, or you catch him checking out your best friend, don't cry out for divine intervention. Just consult the OMG!: Guys advisor and you'll know just what to do—any place, anywhere, any time! |
| how to get yourself to fart: Fart for Freedom C.S. Davies, 2010-12-15 Two demented psychotic groups are engaged in a battle for moral, if not hygienic superiority. Fart For Freedom, with their freedom farters like the Silent But Deadly assassins and Curry Men explosive experts, are steadfastly led by their leaders; the Inner Rectum. Their sole purpose in life is to make the world a place where anyone can fart anytime and anywhere, without fear of retribution. Opposing them is STOP; the Society To Oppress Perverts- a group that brings a whole new meaning to the term anal retentiveness. Their puritanical view of the world sets them against the freedom farters at every turn. In the STOP world; clean equals serene. Unwillingly thrown into this turbulent situation is Algenon Plugg; a mild-mannered man with a traumatic past. After memories of his childhood catch up with him at a most inopportune time, he is hurled into a maelstrom that threatens death and destruction for anyone who crosses his path. If Fart For Freedom is to survive, they must eliminate the opposition before they themselves are eliminated. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Fart-o-Pedia Rip Van Ripperton, 2021-10-26 An colorfully illustrated encyclopedia of fart facts, jokes, riddles, and more! Flatulently funny and perfect for ages 7–12! With humorous entries that include types of farts, food items that cause gas, what farts are called in different countries, jokes and riddles, sidebars, science, rules, advice, how to’s, and more, this book is the gassiest gift for the fart fan in any family. It contains a mishmash of information, perfect for bathroom reading and rippin' jokes with your pals. Entries include: Dog, the: Who you blame when you pass gas at the dinner table. How to save a fart for later. Fart in a glass Mason jar. Quickly put the lid on and screw it tightly. Have a friend open it later. Once you’ve done this, send us a note telling us whether or not it worked. Hoof Hearted Ice Melted: Say it out loud five times. You’ll get it. Pull my finger: What someone says to a friend when they have a fart locked and loaded. Once the friend pulls the finger, the fart is unleashed. Great trick that only works once. Silent but deadly (SBD): A fart that comes out with barely a whisper but then knocks everyone out with its noxious stench. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Sweet Farts Books: Fart Superhero Books For Kids El Ninjo, 2014-08-27 Let me introduce myself, I am El Ninjo and I am the master butt-whistler because I simply can not resist exposing my family with my expressive face-melting fart art! I guarantee you and your kids will LOL at this hilarious fart book with these amazing bean blowing color and audio rich illustrations. Yes, I am the true master of bottom-burping disaster and I am going to impress you with my creative bottom belching ways. I will not only show you every stinky fart trick that I have in my collection, but I will also make sure to show you how to apply each individual fart situation for your own benefit! These short moral stories for kids are not only entertaining to read, to look at and to listen to, but they are teaching your kid about all kinds of life lessons the smart and not the annoying way. With this smart dog farts book your kids do not turn into little farting monsters over night, but they become smarter! This is how Einstein would have taught his kids the gravity of farts:) The list of fart situation goes like this: * The Wake Upper Popper * The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot * The Flying Carpet * The Backpack Burster * The Gasification In The Car * The Neighbour Detonator * The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism * The Blue Hour In The Elevator (This is a brand new and never before released story. It is included for the first time in this new and enhanced color and audio version of the Fart Book) and many more steamy bean blowing farting dog episodes... Purchase my Fart Book right now for your kids while this low introductory price is still available. Go ahead...purchase FART BOOK: Blaster! Boomer! Slammer! Popper, Banger! New and Enhanced Version Part 1 right now and download the Audio version that is included inside each chapter of the farting dog book. Each bottom burping story also comes with a beautifully colored illustration so that the fun becomes triple fun with this hilarious dog farts book. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Absurd Humor Seth Kinstle, 2024-02-19 Take a trip through a random guy's mind to witness some of the most wacky observations in the world. From the increasingly insane to the blatantly bizarre. You're sure to get tangled in an endless spiderweb that one man weaved all by himself. Don't even try to escape his grasp. Because once he latches on he's like a rabid dog savagely searching for a treat in every dark corner in sight. But seriously he's a nice guy. Why not stop on by and see what the buzz is about? From this to that, to brains flowing through an hourglass, we got you covered. Welcome to thoughts made by millions of men embedded in one man's memory bank. They combined their will of inspiration inside of him and this book popped out. However you want to put it. It's way too crude. It's way too honest. It's way too absurd. So jump on in and see what the fuss is about. This is one jack wagon sure to send you soaring into the stars by blowing your mind more than its ever been blown before. Don't be shy. So step on in and walk on up. Buy your ticket and hop inside. It's time to get absurd and wiggle through this book like a worm. Dig hard. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Release Your Inner Old Fart Mark Leigh, 2012-08-24 Hilariously cynical and gloom-laden, this book contains diatribes, rants, anecdotes and advice for Old Farts everywhere. |
| how to get yourself to fart: A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve - Episode 1: Maloofed Donald Rump, 2016-04-24 When Steve Skaggs realizes that his earthly body is gone and now he’s a crusty, old fart, the circumstances behind his mysterious death become clear, sending on an aloof adventure of betrayal and deceit. A Lonely, Wayward Fart Named Steve is an ongoing serial novel. This particular volume, including the subsequent author’s note, is approximately 3,150 words. WARNING This story is about a man who dies and comes back to life as a fart. There’s sex involved—not with farts, because you can’t have sex with a fart, you dolt! Anyways, there’s a Pakistani meat stick that’s mentioned, boobs that seem to defy the laws of the galaxy, and plenty of cruel and unusual things that happen to everyone’s favorite fart, Steve. Even if you are some perverted old fool, don’t read it to your kids. You don’t want to have to explain where our arch villainess’ mouth has been. And don’t say that I didn’t warn you! |
| how to get yourself to fart: F.A.R.T.S....made easy (Light Bathroom Reading) , |
| how to get yourself to fart: Who Cut the Cheese? Jim Dawson, 2011-01-26 We've told you HOW TO SHIT IN THE WOODS. We've taken you UP SHIT CREEK. Now, we dare to ask the eternal question...WHO CUT THE CHEESE? Which is to say, what exactly is a fart? Why do we do it? Why do we hide it when we do it? And why do we find farts so darn funny? A cut above anything else on the subject, this book really lets go and tells all, getting to the bottom of these mysteries. Author Jim sniffs out a load of historical and scientific fart tales, then offers the kind of fun facts you'll be dying to let slip at social occasions, in chapters like Fart Facts That Aren't Just Hot Air, Gone with the Wind (on famous movie farts), and Le Petomane & the Art of the Fart (on the most famous windbag in history). From fact to fiction to frivolous flatulence, this book is unquestionably a ripping good read. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Comic Books For Kids: Silly Jokes For Kids With Dog Farts + Dog Humor Books El Ninjo, 2014-09-14 El Ninjo is going to demonstrate how he takes advantage of each single adventure that he is experiencing in various hilarious situations of life in Volume 1 and the situations go like this: * The Wake Upper Popper * The Straight Up Breakfast Table Shot * The Flying Carpet * The Backpack Burster * The Gasification In The Car * The Neighbour Detonator * The Imaginary Bone Shot Or Fart Expressionism * The Blue Hour In The Elevator (This is a brand new and never before released story. It is included for the first time in this new and enhanced color and audio version of the Fart Book) * The Delivery Boy Truck Detonater * The Stinky Tsunami * The Lego Blower * The Hand Stinker * The Marshmallow Shooter * The Steamy Sweat Blanket Pooper * The Gas Eruption in the Chicken Coop and many more... In Volume 2 he faces the most challenging sports activities. He uses his bean blowing ways in order to benefit from his powerful bean blowing air push and win every challenging sports activity like: * How To Jump Higher * How Windsurfing Works In The Doldrums? * Driving On The Merry Go Round Is Only Fun With Some Fart Art * The 18th Hole Trick * Baseball Power Hitting * The NY Style Artistry + Black Fart Rap Skyscraper Freestyle Sound (This is a brand new and never before released story. It is included for the first time in this new and enhanced color and audio version of the Fart Book) and many more bean blowing stories... The list of the African Bean Fart Adventures in the Jungle (Fart Book Volume 3) goes like this: * The Safari Mobil Breakdown * The Jungle Bang * The Bean Slam'n Smoke * Lots More... The list of Dog Jerks - Vol. 3 goes like this: Why Dogs Can Be Real Jerks Sometimes Jerky Treats Better Than Celery Sticks The Perky Bullfrog Trick Egocentric Pesky Perks Pee Wee Herman Philosophy A Jerk's Agenda Lots More... One last word of WARNING from El Ninjo himself: Don't forget to check your shorts after you finish reading...because you'll laugh so hard... |
| how to get yourself to fart: Comic Books For Kids Age 8 With Funny Farts & Comic Illustrations - Comic Pictures & Audiobook For Children + Dog Humor Books El Ninjo, 2014-09-15 This Fart Book of El Ninjo is a compilation of 2. You will get FART BOOK: Blaster! Boomer! Slammer! Popper, Banger! New & Enhanced Version Volume 1 - Part 2 + FART BOOK: African Bean Fart Adventures In The Jungle, New & Enhanced Version Vol. 3 All illustrations are in full color now + Each chapter includes a narrated audio version of the chapter so that your child can learn by reading & by listening at the same time. It comes with more stories and colored pictures than ever before! The stories can be characterized as pant ripping because they are so hilarious so make sure to check your pants right after you LOL! Let me introduce myself, I am El Ninjo and I am the master butt-whistler because I simply can not resist exposing my family with my expressive face-melting fart art! I guarantee you and your kids will LOL at this hilarious fart book with these amazing bean blowing color and audio rich illustrations. Whether you're a professional butt-whistler or just an amateur... El Ninjo is going to demonstrate how he takes advantage of each single adventure that he is experiencing in various hilarious situations of life in Volume 2 and the situations go like this: * The Stinky Tsunami * The Lego Blower * The Hand Stinker * The Marshmallow Shooter * The Steamy Sweat Blanket Pooper * The Gas Eruption in the Chicken Coop and many more... In Volume 3 he faces the most dangerous animals. He uses his bean blowing way in order to save his life! He gets attacked by the lion, the leopard, the crocodile & many more dangerous animals in the jungle. The list of the African Bean Fart Adventures in the Jungle goes like this: * Arrival At The Lodge With Poop & Pump * The Safari Mobil Breakdown * The Jungle Bang * The Bean Slam'n Smoke * The Tears Gas Boom * The Gorilla Sound Cloud ... The list of Dog Jerks - Vol. 3 goes like this: Jerky Treats Better Than Celery Sticks The Perky Bullfrog Trick Egocentric Pesky Perks Pee Wee Herman Philosophy A Jerk's Agenda ... |
| how to get yourself to fart: Organic Theology Scott Douglas, Theology is a dish best served organically! Christianity has thousands of years of history. You probably know a lot of it. But this is the story that you probably didn’t hear in Sunday school. Punctuated by footnotes and full of wit and wisdom, you will be surprised by how much fun you have learning about the foundations of belief. You don’t have to be a Bible scholar to understand some of the many complex concepts in this book. The author breaks it down in a way that’s approachable, insightful, and even funny in places. You’ll learn about the Bible being a myth (don’t worry--it’s not at all what you think!), how we know if Jesus was really the Messiah, and, of course, if God has a pinky toe. Sit back, relax, and get ready to have some fun. |
| how to get yourself to fart: 120 Days of Sodom - Sade Marquis de Sade, 2024-05-10 In addition to being shocking and controversial, Marquis de Sade's novel The 120 Days of Sodom was the first attempt by a writer to portray, in an absolutely raw way, many of the philias that can emerge from a human being. It tells the story of four rich libertine men who decide to experience ultimate sexual gratification in orgies. To do this, they lock themselves up for four months in an inaccessible castle with a harem of forty-six victims, most of them teenagers of both sexes, and recruit four pimps to tell the story of their lives and adventures. The women's narrative becomes inspiration for sexual abuse and torture of the victims, which gradually escalates in intensity and ends in a surprising way. Right at the beginning of The 120 Days of Sodom the author Marquis de Sade warns: I advise the excessively modest reader to immediately put my book aside, so as not to be scandalized, as it is already evident that there is not much chaste in our plan, and we dare to guarantee that there will be even less of it in the execution... And now, dear reader, prepare your heart and your mind for the most impure narrative ever written since our world began, a book without parallels among the ancients, or among us, moderns... |
| how to get yourself to fart: Five Reasons Why Dating Hot Chicks Is A Bad Idea Donald Rump, 2014-08-25 You found her! The hottest chick you've ever laid eyes on wants you and only you. But aren't you forgetting something? You're broke, and this chick is way out of your league. She's scorching hot and you're…well…lucky to have her. Or so you think… This short volume will help demystify the impact of a high maintenance hottie and encourage you to resist the urge to go into debt just to appease her. Approximately 7,000 words. |
| how to get yourself to fart: 20 Common Questions About Farts (EPUB) Donald Rump, 2013-12-13 Think you know everything there is to know about mankind's favorite green gas? Well, Donald Rump has something in store for you! Inside, you'll finally get to the bottom of many age-old questions, including: - Where do farts come from? - Are farts people? - Do farts die? - Do all farts go to heaven? - What should I do if a zombie farts on me? - Does inhaling farts cause brain damage? - What if someone steals my farts? - Can farts be used to power my car? - I've run out of farts. Should I dial 911? - Should I join Fartaholics Anonymous? And many, many more! So what are you waiting for? Become a fart expert today! Approximately 11,500 words in all. Intended for readers 15 and up. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Freakin' Fabulous Clinton Kelly, 2008-10-07 The co-host of What Not to Wear shares his expertise on everything from the importance of tailoring and making the perfect omelet to party planning, table manners, and thank-you notes, with advice on how to become fabulous in every aspect of one's life. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Don't Be Stupid, Idiot - Helping Idiots Be Less Idiotic Yann Somou, 2023-01-29 Do you think the world is going to shit? And that manners are being thrown out the window? And that common sense and common courtesy are becoming uncommon? And that you are now dealing with idiots that bit too often? You are not alone. We are all collectively treating each other worse than ever before. We talk to each other like dickheads. We drive like wankers. We leave piss on the toilet seat. We shake hands as if they’ve turned into floppy fish. We treat money as the be-all and end-all. Yann thinks this is down to us slowly losing touch with our own humanity. In other words, we care more about ourselves than the person next to us. Sure, capitalism and technology are partly to blame. But at the end of the day, if we don’t start treating each other a little better, we’re all truly fucked. There’s no way in hell we’ll be able to work together long enough to resolve the catastrophic problems coming our way. To that end, ‘don’t be stupid, idiot’ is chock full of 120+ hilarious, sweary, sarcastic, hard-hitting rants about everyday things that everyday idiots do, with quasi-serious, tongue in cheek exercises to help idiots be less idiotic. Each rant also has a QR code or link to share with that idiot of a friend who needs to read it! Rants include: Queue cutting Cancel culture Buying rounds Splitting the bill Holding the door open Ignoring reserved seating Treating pets as humans Tailgating Reclining plane seats Taking the mick Conspiracy theorists & many more! No one is innocent of being an idiot, including you. It is impossible to read this book and not realise at least one or two ways in which you’ve started to not give a shit about your fellow human. Yann hopes that, instead of being a little bitch about it, you’ll use all the reality checks you’ll receive to become a better person who is more aware of how their actions affect others. Entertainment: Guaranteed Fucks Given: Zero Legitimate Reviews “Brilliant!! But it can’t go on our best seller’s list because most of our readers are idiots” – Some shit newspaper “Bought for my idiot friend. Was a prick, still is but at least he knows it now!!” – An idiot “The perfect stupid gift for my boyfriend/husband/dad/brother!! They can be a right wanker!” – Wanker-loving idiot Get the book now, you muppet. Yann doesn’t care whether you buy it as a Secret Santa piss-take for colleagues, a really stupid gift for Christmas, a birthday present for people you don't like, for bloody Mother’s and Father’s day, or just because you like books taking the mick. Just buy the thing and start your journey towards being less of a prick. Still don’t know if ‘don’t be stupid, idiot’ is for you? If you enjoyed Mark Manson’s, ‘The subtle art of not giving a f*ck’, Laura Clery’s, ‘Idiots’, Thomas Erikson’s, ‘Surrounded by idiots’ or Karl Pilkington’s, ‘An idiot abroad’, you’ll love this! You’ll also feel right at home if you relate to the logic and pull no punches style of outspoken people like Ricky Gervais, Jeremy Clarkson, Piers Morgan and James Haskell. |
| how to get yourself to fart: Unicorn Farts and Glitter: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving a J-Pouch AW Cross, 2016-08-02 You’ve just gotten a j-pouch. Now what? Life with your new j-pouch might feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. In Unicorn Farts and Glitter: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving a J-Pouch, author and j-pouch veteran AW Cross gives you a first-hand, non-medical perspective about what to expect from your j-pouch and how to manage it successfully. Through her usual blend of practicality and humor, you’ll learn how to: •Cope with the physical consequences and emotional impact of having a j-pouch •Manage pouchitis, cuffitis, obstructions, strictures, and skin care •Pack a survival kit and leave the house with confidence •Dress, eat, and have sex •Deal with healthcare professionals and enjoy your stays in the hospital •Use social media and parley with non-pouchers Whether you’ve just gotten your j-pouch, or you’ve had one for years, if you’re determined to make the most of it, this book is for you. If you’d rather pretend that you’re normal, have no sense of humor about your j-pouch, and hate unicorns and rainbows, DON’T BUY THIS BOOK! I don't think that there is anything that this book doesn't cover. I mean it answers every question that you could possibly have. I hope this book gets to everyone who needs it! - Goodreads Reviewer |
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The sample code in your question is clearly trying to count the number of occurrences of each character: if it already has a count for a given character, get returns it (so it's just …
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Considering what @Robert said, I tried to play around with the config command and it seems that there is a direct way to know both the name and email. To know the …
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