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| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Have the Relationship You Want Rori Gwynne, 2006-11 A step-by-step guide for women to tranforming your love life practically overnight. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Codependent No More Melody Beattie, 2009-06-10 In a crisis, it's easy to revert to old patterns. Caring for your well-being during the coronavirus pandemic includes maintaining healthy boundaries and saying no to unhealthy relationships. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life. Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent--and you may find yourself in this book--Codependent No More. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness. Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, The Codependent No More Workbook and Playing It by Heart. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Overfunctioning Woman's Handbook Rosalyn Rivkin, Sally Park Rubin, 2008 |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Dance of Anger Harriet Lerner, 2009-03-17 Anger is a signal and one worth listening to, writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers.While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Resilient Leadership Bob Duggan, Jim Moyer, 2010-10-25 This is the story of Mike Sampson, who is introduced to a powerful new understanding of leadership by Jacob Wolfe, an Executive Coach whose Resilient Leadership model draws on the revolutionary insights of Bowen Systems Theory. The reader will discover th |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Everything Isn’t Terrible Kathleen Smith, 2019-12-31 Licensed therapist and respected mental health writer Dr. Kathleen Smith offers a smart, practical antidote to our anxiety-ridden times. Everything Isn't Terrible is an informative, and fun guide - featuring a healthy dose of humor - for people who want to become beacons of calmness in our anxious world. Like Sarah Knight's No F*cks Given guides and You Are a Badass, Everything Isn't Terrible will inspire readers to confront their anxious selves, take charge of their anxiety, and increase their own capacity to choose how they respond to it. Comprised of short chapters containing anecdotal examples from Smith's personal experience as well as those of her clients, in addition to engaging, actionable exercises for readers, Everything Isn't Terrible will give anyone suffering from anxiety all the tools they need to finally be calm. Ultimately, living a calmer, less anxious life is possible, and with this book Smith will show you how to do it. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Silent Agreements Linda D. Anderson, PhD, Sonia R. Banks, PhD, Michele L. Owens, PhD, 2019-05-07 Silent Agreements will help readers define the unspoken beliefs and expectations that might be causing dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and resentment in their relationships, giving them the tools to explore these agreements and work toward healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member. If you have relationships, you've likely been part of silent agreements. Silent agreements are the implicit rules of your relationships that arise from unspoken beliefs and expectations that both parties hold, stemming from your earliest experiences and reinforced as you mature. They can sound something like The person who makes more money should pay for the dates, or My boss doesn't offer me a raise, and he knows I won't ask for one. These agreements can hinder your relationships, remaining undiscussed due to fear, aversion to conflict, feelings of obligation, or guilt. Because expectations so rarely line up and neither person will address the issue, a silent agreement can cause unhappiness and resentment on both sides. Clinical psychologists Drs. Anderson, Banks, and Owens will help you explore your agreements and work towards healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member. In the process, you'll learn more about your own motivations and how to dismantle the the beliefs that don't serve you. With guidelines and advice on how to have productive conversations about sex, money, commitment, family, the workplace, and health, this book will help you lift the silence and resolve those land-mine issues before they do irreparable damage. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Boundary Boss Terri Cole, 2024-10-24 Psychotherapist Terri Cole reveals a specific set of skills that can help you stop abandoning yourself for the sake of others (without guilt or drama) and get empowered to consciously take control of every aspect of your emotional, spiritual, physical, personal, and professional life. Since becoming a Boundary Boss is a process, Cole also offers actionable strategies, scripts, and techniques that can be used in the moment, whenever you need them. You will learn: How to recognize when your boundaries have been violated and what to do next; How your unique Boundary Blueprint is unconsciously driving your boundary behaviors, and strategies to redesign it; Powerful boundary scripts so in the moment you will know what to say; How to manage 'Boundary Destroyers' including emotional manipulators, narcissists and other toxic personalities; Where you fall on the spectrum of codependency and how to create healthy, balanced relationships. This book is for women who are exhausted from over-giving, overdoing, and even over-feeling. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage Samantha Rodman, 2016-11-01 Press “send” for amazing results! With 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage, you’ll find a year’s worth of e-mails to help you reconnect with your spouse, reignite intimacy, and keep your love alive. There’s no doubt marriage can be a challenge—we’ve all heard that half of marriages end in divorce. A common problem you may face as a couple is feeling stuck or disconnected—lonely within the marriage—as if you and your spouse were worlds apart, even as you present a united front. Attempts to discuss the problem may lead to painful arguments, and even couples therapy may prove more expensive and time-consuming than effective, putting each of you on the spot and moving so quickly that you may leave, session after session, without feeling closer. E-mail, however, can be a much less threatening way to communicate your true thoughts and feelings. Based on the author’s popular online relationship coaching sessions, each chapter of this book provides an e-mail writing assignment focused on a different topic, such as sex, intimacy, communication, trust, and the future. These weekly assignments will grant you both the time to write—which can be extremely therapeutic in itself—and read what the other has to say without the need for an immediate response. With 52 E-mails to Transform Your Marriage, you’ll discover useful tips for good communication, learn how to respond to messages with empathy and validation, and be well on your way to rediscovering and sustaining the love that brought you together in the first place. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Liking the Child You Love Jeffrey Bernstein, 2009-06-09 How to recognize and cope with Parent Frustration Syndrome (PFS): negative thoughts and feelings about your children |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy Jill P. Weber, 2014 Finding lasting love and intimacy can be difficult for many women. Some end up agreeing to sexual relationships hoping that they may lead to longer, more fulfilling relationships, only to be let down when they don't. Here, Jill Weber explains why women feel forced into a male model of dating that barters sex for the unrealistic hope that it will lead to emotional intimacy. What it leads to for the woman, most often, is disappointment, despair, and impaired self-esteem. Sextimacy, as Weber terms it, traps women in relationships that are one-sided and lack emotional intimacy. When this happens, women routinely blame themselves instead of realizing they should blame their romantic strategy. This book, in a step-by-step progression, shows a better way to break the cycle and cultivating better relationships. It teaches women how to recognize when they are in a Sextimacy event as opposed to the beginning of a mutually fulfilling relationship that won't leave them racked with morning-after regrets. And it gives clear direction about what women can do to find warm romantic partnerships that serve their needs. Using real stories from women of various ages and stages of life, Weber shows how patterns of behavior may develop that produce a vulnerability to being used. Starting in childhood and proceeding through the crucial teen years, she illustrates the factors that may go into this limited approach to cultivating romantic relationships, and provides clear tips on how to stop. Including a series of self-assessments, the book offers women insight into the patterns that rob them of the opportunities to grow and to fulfill their emotional needs. Anyone struggling to break the cycle of having sex without the attendant intimacy they crave will find in these pages a warm and ready approach to finding love and fulfillment. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce Samantha Rodman, 2015-08-07 Expert advice for discussing divorce with your children Written by Dr. Samantha Rodman, founder of DrPsychMom.com, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce teaches you how to raise a happy, thriving family in a changing environment. Each page offers expert advice for discussing your decision in healthy and effective ways, including breaking the initial news, fostering an open dialogue, and ensuring that your children's emotional needs are met throughout your separation. With Dr. Rodman's proven communication techniques, you will: Initiate honest conversations where your children can express their thoughts Discuss divorce-related topics and answer questions in age-appropriate ways Validate your children's feelings, making them feel acknowledged and secure Strengthen and deepen your relationship with your kids Whether you're raising toddlers, school-aged children, or young adults, How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Divorce will help your kids feel heard, valued, and loved during this difficult time. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Emotionally Healthy Woman Geri Scazzero, 2013-10-22 Part of the bestselling Emotionally Healthy Spirituality book collection, The Emotionally Healthy Woman provides women a way out of surface-level spirituality to genuine freedom in Christ. Geri Scazzero knew there was something desperately wrong with her life. She felt like a single parent raising her four young daughters alone. She finally told her husband, I quit, and left the thriving church he pastored, beginning a journey that transformed her and her marriage for the better. This book is for every woman who thinks, I can’t keep pretending everything is fine! Geri speaks like a friend as she uses personal stories and biblical principles to help you find your way out of superficial spirituality and move to a deep, meaningful, lifechanging relationship with God. And the journey begins by quitting. Geri quit being afraid of what others think. She quit lying. She quit denying her anger and sadness. She quit living someone else's life. When you quit those things that are damaging to your soul or the souls of others, you are freed up to choose other ways of being and relating that are rooted in love and lead to life. When you quit for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way, you're on the path not only to emotional health, but also to the true purpose of your life. Check out the full line of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality books dedicated to many different key areas of life. Workbooks, study guides, curriculum, and Spanish editions are also available. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: I Quit Geri Scazzero, 2010 Geri Scazzero discovered real life and joy with Christ really began when she stopped pretending everything was fine. Summoning the courage to quit that which does not belong to Jesus' kingdom launched her on a powerful journey that changed her and everyone around her. (Practical Life) |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Discovering the Inner Mother Bethany Webster, 2021-01-05 Sure to become a classic on female empowerment, a groundbreaking exploration of the personal, cultural, and global implications of intergenerational trauma created by patriarchy, how it is passed down from mothers to daughters, and how we can break this destructive cycle. Why do women keep themselves small and quiet? Why do they hold back professionally and personally? What fuels the uncertainty and lack of confidence so many women often feel? In this paradigm-shifting book, leading feminist thinker Bethany Webster identifies the source of women’s trauma. She calls it the Mother Wound—the systemic disenfranchisement of women by the patriarchy—and reveals how this cycle is perpetuated by wounded mothers who unconsciously pass on damaging beliefs and behaviors to their daughters. In her workshops, online courses, and talks, Webster has helped countless women re-examine their lives and their relationships with their mothers, giving them the vocabulary to voice their pain, and encouraging them to share their experiences. In this manifesto and self-help guide, she offers practical tools for identifying the manifestations of the Mother Wound in our daily life and strategies we can use to heal ourselves and prevent our daughters from enduring the same pain. In addition, she offers step-by-step advice on how to reconnect with our inner child, grieve the mother we didn’t have, stop people-pleasing, and, ultimately, transform our heartache and anger into healing and self-love. Revealing how women are affected by the Mother Wound, even if they don’t personally identify as survivors, Discovering the Inner Mother revolutionizes how we view mother-daughter relationships and gives us the inspiration and guidance we need to improve our lives and ultimately create a more equitable society for all. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: When Someone You Love is Depressed Xavier Amador, Laura Rosen, 2016-08-02 Many books have been written for those suffering from depression, but what if you're suffering becuase someone you love is depressed? Research shows that if you are close to a depressed person, you are at a much higher risk of developing problems yourself, including anxiety, phobias, and even a kind of contagious depression. In this authoritative and compassionate book, psychologists Laura Epstein Rosen and Cavier Francisco Amador explain the mechanisms of depression that can cause communication breakdown, increase hostility, and ultimately destroy relationships. Through compelling real-life stories and step-by-step advice, the authors teach concrete methods that you and your loved one can use to protect yourselves and your relationship from depression's impact. Drawing on their own innovative research, the give sensitive guidance about how to recognize your needs, how to provide the best kind of support, and how to encourage the depressed person to seek treatment. Whether you are the partner, parent, friend, or child of a depressed person, you'll find this book and invaluable companion in you journey back to health. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Love, Care, Trust and Respect Natalie Lue, 2016-12-25 'Love, care, trust and respect are the cornerstones of every loving relationship.' In the quest to love and be loved, it can feel as if you've tried it every which way and yet, nothing is ever enough, leaving you wondering, 'What's wrong with me?' or lamenting your emotional baggage. How can you 'get' love, care, trust and respect when you don't know what it is or you don't believe that you can or will receive it? Love, Care, Trust & Respect is a guide to the vital ingredients of loving relationships. There are many so-called rules and Natalie Lue, author of the popular self-help blog, Baggage Reclaim, explains why these don't work, instead offering universal principles that apply in every mutually fulfilling loving relationship. Discover: The five landmarks of healthy relationships The four essential qualities for a loving partner The key relationship blocks, why they cause pain, fear and guilt, and how to dissolve them The purpose of your relationships and how to recognise and practise love, care, trust and respect NEVER SETTLE FOR CRUMBS AGAIN |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Mental and Emotional Release Dr. Matt James, 2017-10-03 Imagine how different your life would be if you were free from your baggage, your limitations, and your pain? As a therapist, imagine having an effective tool to help your clients become free of depression, PTSD and anxiety within hours rather than years? In Mental and Emotional Release®, Dr. Matt James introduces an incredible therapeutic process—MER— proven to be effective in treating everything from bedwetting to bulimia, PTSD to migraines within hours, not years. “This is the type of result we all want for all of our patients. But frankly, before I started introducing MER to my patients, I rarely saw it — and definitely didn’t see it happening as quickly as this.” — Dr. Larry Momaya, psychiatrist Written in a language both professionals and non-professionals can understand, Mental and Emotional Release® offers real life case studies, an overview of MER and its foundation, step by step scripts to follow, and clinical efficacy studies comparing MER to other therapies. “It’s straight-forward and targeted. Patients don’t have to re-live any traumas from the past to resolve them, and they don’t have to go into deep hypnotic trance. For 80-85% of my patients, MER gives tremendous relief from their symptoms in the very first session.” —Dr. Patrick Scott, psychologist |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking about Human Interactions, Second Edition Roberta Gilbert, 2021-01-25 After food, water, and shelter, relationships are the most important factors in determining quality of life. At work, productivity and efficiency depend on relationships. At home, relationships with your spouse, children, and friends are key to success and happiness. And among nations, relationships start and stop wars. This invaluable guide shows that only by further developing yourself can you further develop your relationships. Based on Dr. Murray Bowen's innovative family systems theory, this important book has been in print for over 25 years. Newly revised and expanded, Extraordinary Relationships, Second Edition, shows you how the principles of family systems theory can be used in all arenas of life, including family relationships, intimate relationships, friendships, the single life, the workplace, the international arena, and most important, your relationship with yourself. -- |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist Margalis Fjelstad, 2013 People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders are master manipulators; Caretakers fall for them every time. This book helps Caretakers break the cycle and puts them on a new path of personal freedom, discovery, and self-awareness, through the use of real stories and practical suggestions from a seasoned therapist. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Multigenerational Family Therapy David S Freeman, 2013-12-16 Multigenerational Family Therapy is a book about honoring and helping families. Rich with personal reflections and anecdotes from the author’s many years as a family therapist, this volume’s major strength lies in its precise definition of the process and content of the therapy itself. As the family is the major resource system available to an individual, this important book provides therapists with the keys for helping family members help each other and provides a framework for understanding how the family, as a multigenerational system, moves through various stages of the therapeutic process. By emphasizing the importance of family members utilizing the past as a positive force for change and featuring complete transcripts of family therapy sessions, this sensitive book clearly illustrates how therapists can use the positive forces of family for dealing with today’s uncertainties and dilemmas. The step-by-step approach details how family therapists can work with families in a positive, healing manner. Several chapters illustrate the transition from the beginning to middle phases of family therapy to the terminating phase and provide a framework for how therapy evolves over time. Other chapters discuss the special skills required to work with various family constellations, such as couples, parents with children, siblings, adult children with aged parents, and individuals as well as extended family members. Helpful advice on how to deal with special issues and dilemmas of family therapy such as secret-keeping, affairs, co-therapy, crises and emergencies is also included in this comprehensive book. Beginning and advanced family therapy practitioners, students of family theory and therapy, faculty of social work practice, clinical psychology, nursing, family life education, and counseling psychology will find many positive ideas for working with families in this detailed book. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Intimacy and Desire Dr David Schnarch, 2009-10-21 In this groundbreaking book, Dr David Schnarch, one of the foremost experts on sexuality and relationships, explains why normal healthy couples in long-term relationships have sexual-desire problems, regardless of how much they love each other or how well they communicate. In-depth examples of couples he has counselled reveal his unique understanding of common but difficult sexual-desire problems that affect couples of all ages. Combining compassion and clinical wisdom, Dr Schnarch explains how to use his revolutionary Four Points of Balance approach to resolve low desire, mismatched desire, sexual boredom, and the emotional gridlock that accompanies these problems. Intimacy & Desire provides a roadmap for how couples can transform common sexual-desire problems into self-exploration and personal development that leads to psychological and spiritual growth, stronger relationships, and more powerful and meaningful desire for each other. It provides time-proven, comprehensive solutions that help couples reconnect with each other sexually, and take their intimacy and passion to new, previously unexplored heights. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Healing Well and Living Free from an Abusive Relationship Dr. Ramona Probasco, 2018-06-19 One out of every four women in the United States will experience some form of domestic violence or abuse in her lifetime. Through Dr. Ramona Probasco's own powerful personal story of coming out of an abusive relationship, along with her twenty years of experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, she takes readers through a proven, step-by-step process for moving from victim to survivor to overcomer. With genuine empathy, she encourages the reader to call it what it is, understand the mindset of the abuser, break the cycle of violence, recognize what forgiveness is and is not, find a healthy support system, and more. Each chapter ends with a simple, heartfelt prayer, Scriptural promises readers can apply to their situation, and questions for further reflection. Readers are encouraged to go through the book individually, with a counselor, or as part of a support group. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of race, education, socioeconomic status, or culture. But it does not have to be the end of the story. Healing well and living free are within reach. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Insecure in Love Leslie Becker-Phelps, 2014-06-01 Has your romantic partner called you clingy, insecure, desperate, or jealous? No one wants to admit that they possess these qualities; but if you find yourself constantly on the alert, anxious, or worried when it comes to your significant other, you may suffer from anxious attachment, a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in early childhood experiences. In Insecure in Love, you'll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help you recognize your negative thoughts or unhealthy behavior patterns and respond to them in a nurturing way—rather than beating yourself up. You’ll also learn how insecurity can negatively affect healthy dialog between you and your partner (or potential partners) and develop the skills needed to stop you from reverting back to old patterns of neediness and possessiveness. If you suffer from anxious attachment, you probably know that you need to change, and yet you have remained stuck. With compassionate self-awareness, you can successfully explore old anxiety-perpetuating perceptions and habits without being overwhelmed or paralyzed by them. By understanding the psychological factors at the root of your attachment anxiety, you will learn to cultivate secure, healthy relationships to last a lifetime. If you’re ready to stop getting stuck in the same hurtful relationship patterns and finally break the cycle of heartache, this book can show you how to get the love you deserve—and keep it! |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Healthy Compulsive Gary Trosclair, 2020 Gary Trosclair explores the power of the driven personality and the positive outcomes those with obsessive compulsive personality disorder can achieve through a mindful program of harnessing the skills that can work, and altering those that serve no one. If you were born with a compulsive personality you may become rigid, controlling, and self-righteous. But you also may become productive, energetic, and conscientious. Same disposition, but very different ways of expressing it. What determines the difference? Some of the most successful and happy people in the world are compelled by powerful inner urges that are almost impossible to resist. They''re compulsive. They''re driven. But some people with a driven personality feel compelled by shame or insecurity to use their compulsive energy to prove their worth, and they lose control of the wheel of their own life. They become inflexible and critical perfectionists who need to wield control, and they lose the point of everything they do in the process. A healthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement are used consciously in the service of passion, love and purpose. An unhealthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement have been hijacked by fear and its henchman, anger. Both are driven: one by meaning, the other by dread. The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality, will serve as the ultimate user''s guide for those with a driven personality, including those who have slid into obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Unlike OCD, which results in specific symptoms such as repetitive hand-washing and intrusive thoughts, OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclse the point of everything they do in the process. A healthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement are used consciously in the service of passion, love and purpose. An unhealthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement have been hijacked by fear and its henchman, anger. Both are driven: one by meaning, the other by dread. The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality, will serve as the ultimate user''s guide for those with a driven personality, including those who have slid into obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Unlike OCD, which results in specific symptoms such as repetitive hand-washing and intrusive thoughts, OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclpractical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. se the point of everything they do in the process. A healthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement are used consciously in the service of passion, love and purpose. An unhealthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement have been hijacked by fear and its henchman, anger. Both are driven: one by meaning, the other by dread. The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality, will serve as the ultimate user''s guide for those with a driven personality, including those who have slid into obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Unlike OCD, which results in specific symptoms such as repetitive hand-washing and intrusive thoughts, OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: True to You Kathleen Smith, 2024-07-09 A Guide to The Theory and Practice of Creating Authentic Relationships When’s the last time you felt as composed as you portray to your boss, family and friends? If there’s a discord between the two, you’re not alone. Humans are master pretenders—we often seem stronger, calmer and more mature than we really are, while the truth is we’re full of doubts and self-criticism that pushes us to borrow reassurance from friends, beliefs from strangers on the internet, or attention that, in the moment, makes us feel successful, but leaves us totally hollow and burnt out. True to You is a relatable self-help guide for people who want to learn to live less focused on others’ reactions and more confidently by their own principles. Readers will learn how to: · Interrupt relationship patterns that keep you stuck. · Rely less on praise and approval from others. · Develop a solid sense of self in anxious times. · Build more authentic and rewarding relationships. Dr. Smith uses examples from the lives of her therapy clients to explain how we borrow confidence, calmness, and beliefs from our relationships and offers actionable steps and exercises for building a life with your own best-thinking. With a healthy dose of humor, she unpacks the science of our social nature, explaining why we try so hard to be what others want us to be and how we can start living from the inside out. By learning how to be more responsible for yourself, rather than over-responsible for everyone else, you can find the freedom to develop richer relationships, pursue what’s important to you, and feel steadier in this very anxious world. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Language of Letting Go Melody Beattie, 2009-12-12 Written for those of us who struggle with codependency, these daily meditations offer growth and renewal, and remind us that the best thing we can do is take responsibility for our own self-care. Melody Beattie integrates her own life experiences and fundamental recovery reflections in this unique daily meditation book written especially for those of us who struggle with the issue of codependency.Problems are made to be solved, Melody reminds us, and the best thing we can do is take responsibility for our own pain and self-care. In this daily inspirational book, Melody provides us with a thought to guide us through the day and she encourages us to remember that each day is an opportunity for growth and renewal. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Doing It All Whitney Casares, 2024-01-16 Discover how to stop doing it all and start doing what matters with this step-by-step guide to beating burnout and thriving as a working mom. In Doing It All, Dr. Whitney Casares, author, pediatrician, and mother of two, shares the step-by-step plan she developed as a modern working mom to help her stop over-functioning at work and home, stop blaming herself for everything that went wrong, and start living a balanced and intentional life. Today’s working moms are burned-out, overwhelmed, and just plain stuck. Caught amid the endless, conflicting demands of motherhood, work, household management, and a million-and-one everyday tasks, chores, and responsibilities, they truly are doing it all—but getting nowhere. They think they're out of options—but they're wrong. Dr. Whitney tried to do it all for years, until one particularly bad week brought her to knees, and then, to a revelation: It wasn't her that was broken, it was her system. She needed a new system, a plan of action that would look squarely at all the common problems of working mom life—over-scheduling, inequitable partnerships, lack of boundaries, lack of support—, recognize the social and cultural causes behind them, and give her the tools and structure she needed to tackle the chaos, find her work-life balance, and start living a life that worked for her. In Doing It All, she shares that system with you, a system that will help you prioritize what really matters and where everything—even laundry—has its place. Work calls? Yep. Time with your kids? Absolutely. Time for yourself? A top priority. Doing It All features Dr. Whitney's complete step-by-step plan to achieving your Centered Life—that is, a life centered on you—, as well as over forty targeted exercises, prompts, and activities to help you: Create a vision of your life that aligns with your values and goals and then break that vision into actionable priorities so you can start making it a reality. Implement systems to deal with the annoying-but-necessary “have-tos” in your life quickly and efficiently. Develop equity in your relationship with your parenting partner. Create and maintain boundaries around emotionally laden calls on your attention. Give your kids what they need to be healthy, happy, and successful—without giving away too much of yourself. Prioritize your own mental health and emotional well-being with intentional scheduling and rest. And more! Featuring powerful personal stories from real working moms, as well as quotes and interview excerpts from parenting experts, medical professionals, and mental health advocates, Doing It All meets working moms where they are, recognizes the personal and systemic challenges they face, and offers solutions that really work. It’s time to stop merely “surviving” motherhood. Join Dr. Whitney and thousands of other working moms across the country and discover the tools, systems, and support you need to parent, work, and thrive in your daily life. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Couples Therapy Workbook Kathleen Mates-Youngman, LMFT, 2014-10-01 Couples Therapy Workbook is a series of guided questions to promote meaningful couple conversations and build ongoing, connected communication. The core of this unique guide is 30 guided conversations of the most critical relationship struggles. For each of the 30 topics, there is an introduction, goal-setting strategies and 10 scripted questions to ask each other - all presented in an easy-to-use mindful style. Set in a weekly format over 30 days but can be tailored to any timeframe. Designed to be used to couples, and also by therapists working with couples (bonus clinician prep included with each conversation). Week 1- Who Are We? Falling in Love, Friendship, Caring, Acceptance, Empathy, Emotional Intimacy, Rituals Week 2 - Who Am I? Childhood, Family Origin, Temperament, Influences, Spirituality, Values, How I Think Week 3- How do we work? Communication, Conflict, Defensiveness, Intimacy, Trust, Fidelity and Boundaries, Parenting, Staying in Sync Week 4 - What do we want? Romance, Joy and Gratitude, respect, Apologies and Forgiveness, Challenges, Relationship Savings Account, Past, Present & Future, Keeping Connected Reviews: “What a unique resource! A treasure-trove of guided conversations to increase intimacy and friendship. Therapists often ask me for good homework assignments. This book does the thinking for you. Keep it on hand and whether its values, sex, conflict or other challenging issues, you'll have a ready-made way to help your clients make immediate progress.” -- Ellyn Bader, Ph.D, Founder/Director The Couples Institute This is a valuable resource for anyone working with couples. Any couple can profit greatly if they are willing to take Kathleen Youngman's challenge to explore these important topics and discuss these wonderful questions. -- Milan and Kay Yerkovich, Authors of best-selling How We Love series “Instead of offering analysis, advice or theory, The Couples Therapy Workbook offers just that, a set of questions to stimulate conversations that help couples deepen their engagement with each other and reconnect. All couples will find this an exceptional guide, and all therapists will find it an effective instrument to supplement the therapeutic process. I highly recommend it and complement the author on her creativity and attention to the core details of a connected relationship.” --Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D.; Authors of Making Marriage Simple and Getting the Love You Want. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: After the Affair Janis A. Spring, 1997-02-14 For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity. When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend. There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow. After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: How to Be an Adult in Relationships David Richo, 2021-11-02 This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships. “Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include: • Becoming conscious of our relationship patterns and how they relate to childhood • Recognizing and attracting someone who can show adult love • Understanding the phases relationships go through • Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries • Overcoming fears of abandonment and engulfment • Expressing anger and other emotions in adult and loving ways • Surviving break-ups with our self-esteem intact • Understanding love as a spiritual journey |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Connected Parenting Jennifer Kolari, 2016-07-19 When a child is acting out, parents often respond with anger. But there is a better way. Drawing on twenty years of experience as a child therapist, Jennifer Kolari explains that children act up when they feel an adult does not understand their concerns. The answer is parenting with empathy, which Kolari helps parents implement via her proven CALM technique: Connect emotionally match the Affect of the child Listen to what your child is saying Mirror their emotion back to show understanding With this simple strategy, parents can connect with their child in any situation to reduce anxiety, de-escalate tantrums instantly and increase self-esteem. Insightful and empowering, Connected Parenting is filled with step-by-step advice and examples from families that have been transformed, often within weeks. It will bring out the best in you—and your child. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Intelligent Divorce Mark R. Banschick, David Tabatsky, |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: In Quest of the Mythical Mate Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson, 2013-05-13 In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Handbook of Couples Therapy Michele Harway, 2005-01-21 The essential guide to successful couples therapy at every stage ofthe lifecycle A variety of therapeutic interventions can help couples developthe tools for a successful relationship. Yet many practitionersbegin seeing couples without extensive training in couples work. Tofill this gap in their therapeutic repertoires, noted couplestherapist Michele Harway brings together other well-known expertsin marriage and family therapy to offer the Handbook of CouplesTherapy, a comprehensive guide to the study and practice of couplestherapy. The book's chapters provide a variety of perspectives alongdevelopmental, theoretical, and situational lines. Recognizing theneed for clinically proven, evidence-based approaches, chaptersprovide detailed coverage of the most effective treatment modes.Couples at different stages of the lifecycle feature prominently inthe text, as do relevant special issues and treatment approachesfor each stage. Subjects covered include: Premarital counseling from the PAIRS perspective (an extensivecurriculum of interventions for premarital couples) The first years of marital commitment Couples with young children Couples with adolescents Therapy with older couples Same sex couples A variety of theoretical approaches, includingCognitive-Behavioral, Object Relational, Narrative, Integrative,and Feminist and Contextual Special issues and situations, including serious illness,physical aggression, addiction, infidelity, and religious/spiritualcommitments or conflicts Providing a diverse set of treatment approaches suited to workingwith a wide range of adult populations, the Handbook of CouplesTherapy is an essential resource for mental healthprofessionals working with couples. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Breathing Room Elayne Savage, 2016-08-23 Is resentment eating away at your relationship? Are you tired of hurt feelings and misunderstandings? Would you like to rebuild connection and intimacy? Breathing Room provides practical tips to improve all relationships: --Balance your needs --Improve communication, teamwork, and trust --Bounce back from disappointments, hurt, and differences Breathing Room gives you the tools to take your relationship skills to a new level |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Leading from Your Gut John Townsend, 2018-06-26 Leading from Your Gut will help emerging and experienced leaders alike to hone their intuition and become the leader they were meant to be. As a leader, your decisions are critical. They have a significant effect on you and everyone around you. But the effective leader needs to have more than just logic, facts, and financials to help make the best choices. Leaders also must access their own intuition, that gut feeling inside. In Leading from Your Gut, you'll learn how leaders excel not just through external competencies and skills but by drawing on their internal world and personal experience. You'll explore how to harness the power of your values, thoughts, emotions, and relationships to better meet the complex demands of leadership. As you apply Townsend's principles, you will see great results in your leadership. But more importantly, you'll experience the kind of personal transformation that will enable you to lead as a whole person. This book is the revised edition of Leadership Beyond Reason. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples John M. Gottman, 2011-05-09 An eminent therapist explains what makes couples compatible and how to sustain a happy marriage. For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship. Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times. Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient. This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: Your Mindful Compass Andrea Maloney Schara, 2013-12-01 Your Mindful Compass takes us behind the emotional curtain to see the mechanisms regulating individuals in social systems. There is great comfort and wisdom in knowing we can increase our awareness to manage the swift and ancient mechanisms of social control. We can gain greater flexibility by seeing how social controls work in systems from ants to humans. To be less controlled by others, we learn how emotional systems influence our relationship-oriented brain. People want to know what goes on in families that give rise to amazing leaders and/or terrorists. For the first time in history we can understand the systems in which we live. The social sciences have been accumulating knowledge since the early fifties as to how we are regulated by others. S. Milgram, S. Ashe, P. Zimbardo and J. Calhoun, detail the vulnerability to being duped and deceived and the difficulty of cooperating when values differ. Murray Bowen, M.D., the first researcher to observe several live-in families, for up to three years, at the National Institute of Mental Health. Describing how family members overly influence one another and distribute stress unevenly, Bowen described both how symptoms and family leaders emerge in highly stressed families. Our brain is not organized to automatically perceive that each family has an emotional system, fine-tuned by evolution and valuing its survival as a whole, as much as the survival of any individual. It is easier to see this emotional system function in ants or mice but not in humans. The emotional system is organized to snooker us humans: encouraging us to take sides, run away from others, to pressure others, to get sick, to blame others, and to have great difficulty in seeing our part in problems. It is hard to see that we become anxious, stressed out and even that we are difficult to deal with. But thinking systems can open the doors of perception, allowing us to experience the world in a different way. This book offers both coaching ideas and stories from leaders as to strategies to break out from social control by de-triangling, using paradoxes, reversals and other types of interruptions of highly linked emotional processes. Time is needed to think clearly about the automatic nature of the two against one triangle. Time and experience is required as we learn strategies to put two people together and get self outside the control of the system. In addition, it takes time to clarify and define one's principles, to know what I will or will not do and to be able to take a stand with others with whom we are very involved. The good news is that systems' thinking is possible for anyone. It is always possible for an individual to understand feelings and to integrate them with their more rational brains. In so doing, an individual increases his or her ability to communicate despite misunderstandings or even rejection from important others. The effort involved in creating your Mindful Compass enables us to perceive the relationship system without experiencing it's threats. The four points on the Mindful Compass are: 1) Action for Self, 2) Resistance to Forward Progress, 3) Knowledge of Social Systems and the 4) The Ability to Stand Alone. Each gives us a view of the process one enters when making an effort to define a self and build an emotional backbone. It is not easy to find our way through the social jungle. The ability to know emotional systems well enough to take a position for self and to become more differentiated is part of the natural way humans cope with pressure. Now people can use available knowledge to build an emotional backbone, by thoughtfully altering their part in the relationship system. No one knows how far one can go by making an effort to be more of a self-defined individual in relationships to others. Through increasing emotional maturity, we can find greater individual freedom at the same time that we increase our ability to cooperate and to be close to others. |
| how to stop overfunctioning in a relationship: The Leader's Journey Jim Herrington, Trisha Taylor, R. Robert Creech, 2020-01-21 This book helps pastors and church leaders understand the role their personal transformation as Jesus's disciples plays in effective congregational leadership. It shifts the focus of leadership from techniques and charisma to spiritual transformation and developing emotional maturity so leaders can effectively lead congregations to embrace change. End-of-chapter discussion questions are included. The first edition sold more than 20,000 copies and has been regularly used as a textbook over the past fifteen years. The second edition has been revised throughout and includes a greater emphasis on Bowen Family Systems Theory. |
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